Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
