someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
