bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need water and some morals
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