his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
