Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
