New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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