Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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