i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
