I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
