now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
