i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
