You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
