Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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