Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
