I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
