Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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