haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
