The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize