You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
