he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
