I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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