now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
