we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
