My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
