So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
