he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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