I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
