shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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