I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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