oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
