You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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