you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
