At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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