I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
