Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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