Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
