That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
