I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
