after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
