Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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