We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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