He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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