i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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