i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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