we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
