I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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