I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
