What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
