You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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