I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
