everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
