No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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