I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
