Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
